Going, Going...

It's strange to have my little boy--the one that I remember as a tike, full of fists and thumping, Buzz Lightyear and Transformers, then later, Legos and nerf guns, suddenly not be a little boy any more. I wish someone could have told me which day it was going to happen because I would have prepared for it. On the other hand, would it even be possible to prepare for it? It seems as though he has passed through a vaporous wall too thin to see and he now stands on the other side of it--this boy turned man, and I'm supposed to be totally okay with that.

Actually I am okay with that. What is worse than having a child grow up is a child who does NOT grow up. I would not wish to hold him back, to keep him under my wing, my thumb, or the rock that some people think we homeschoolers use to keep our kids hidden away. That doesn't mean I was ready for this year.

People often would ask me along the way, "Are you going to homeschool them all the way through?" Usually this would be uttered with a tone of derision, of disbelief, since what they were really saying was, "You don't think you can do high school too, do you?" I would always say that we were taking it year by year and we would see what happened. They would sigh with relief and say, "Of course, of course." The truth is, I always intended to homeschool both kids through high school because I felt called by God to, and I still do. I just didn't feel like explaining myself.

There was a day this spring when I took my son to the local community college for placement testing. He was nervous, sure he was going to bomb it and not get into credit-level classes. I was sure he would be fine. Then he got his results and was stunned to see that he had done more than fine. I was pretty sure that was going to be the result, after all, he had been my student. I was pretty sure what he was capable of. Then there was the day we sat across from the advisor and he enrolled him in two college classes, all the while talking to him and addressing him like a regular college student (my high school sophomore!) I was just the driver and I happened to be sitting in the room. I felt kind of superfluous, at least until he informed my son of the date tuition payments were due.

Sometimes I wonder how we got him to this point, the one in which he burst through the back door and said, "Mom, can I graduate next year? Because you know, bragging rights FOR LIFE!" 

I know there were so many more days that I felt I had dropped the ball, sold myself short, not set effective goals, or lost my cool than there were days that I felt "successful." So I decided to look back into the thicker parts of this blog. I wanted to find some evidence that the things we have cultivated in him really did help bring him to this point, and I found this post from October 2012. You might like to go back and read the whole thing because it is all about teaching from a place of rest, but this stood out to me.

So, we accomplished a fair amount in lessons this week--science and writing and geography and grammar, etc, but what stands out to me more this week is that we made it to the pet store for some new fish. We also enjoyed a wonderful dinner with friends and a hilarious time on the new patio, enjoying a fire and roasting marshmallows. We did not strive. We worked, but we played, too. We ate all our meals at home in fellowship with each other. We prayed. We marveled at God's ways in the life of Amy Carmichael and those she touched. We pondered the uselessness of war. We butted heads, overcame challenges, tried again. It was a good week. A very good week.

After reading Sarah Mackenzie's Teaching from Rest I found myself longing again for these simple times and praying earnestly for more restful, constructive teaching with the remaining time I have to teach my kids. I have to admit, it was a little easier when they were smaller and mostly did what I said and didn't have so many interests, thoughts, opinions and distractions as they do now. Perhaps what is exhausting to me at this juncture is my own attempts to control (ahem), manage what they do. It is this feeling that maybe I didn't do enough to make them strong, or responsible or appreciative of reading great books. Maybe I didn't disciple them well enough. As they grow, they will slip from my grasp, and I have two choices: I can cling tighter and cause injury to us all, or I can loosen my grip and gradually fall away, onto the Grace that is promised when I am obedient. He promises that it IS sufficient. Maybe it wasn't my job to do all that. Maybe it was my job to just buy the fish and provide a place to light a fire.

I know--a man must leave his father and mother. It's right there in Scripture. My children are not my life, they are given as a joyful calling, and when they are mature, my life will have a new calling. My life is hidden with Christ in God, not in my children, and how sad and wretched I will be if I cling to them and expect them to be more to me than they are able or are meant to be. I have one more year to be an official part of my son's education. I have four to six more years with my daughter, and I feel the weight of her entry into the world of adolescence. My prayer is that I will once again enter into the joy of restful and intentional teaching, even when I feel I have so little to give. That I will land in moments and take them in, enjoying them for the gifts that they are. That I might once again find companions along the way to share thoughts and encouragement with. That my children would find companions who sharpen and strengthen them. That we all cling to the Lord.

Revisiting Our Vision: To High School or Home?

When I first would tell folks that I was choosing to homeschool my kids when they were 5 or 6, two inevitable questions arose: What are you going to do for socialization? (My somewhat sarcastic answer) "Teach them manners?" And, "What are you going to do for high school?"(Again, feeling sarcastic) "He / she is 6 (or 7, 8, 9, 10). It's a little soon to tell...but I'll see what happens."

The truth is, we have always had the vision to educate our kids through high school. We didn't want to start something that we would not finish. Somewhere down the line we became open to the idea of putting my son in school when he reached 9th grade, and became even more so as I saw friends whom I truly respected and had worked side-by-side with make that choice for their families. For some, that is the right path to take. On the other hand, I have always approached the education of my kids as spiritual assignment, a calling, not just for them, but also for me. Where I am called to do a job, I have to have the faith that God will equip me to complete the work according to the grace he provides for me.

We prayed about it, especially when my son began voicing the desire to go to school. I had to question sincerely if this was God's way of redirecting us. He had joined youth group, and being with a group of kids who mostly went to public school, he felt a strong curiosity about their experience. I did not want to minimize his desires and we considered them carefully. His dad and I prayed about what to do. It became very clear to me in my heart, however, as though the Lord was speaking again to me, "It is not what I called you to." Glen and I had a choice to make. I knew I was taking a risk--a growing young man who has the attitude that he wants something different than what we are providing has the potential to be a tinderbox. I was not certain that he would accept our decision. There have been many long conversations, but after a man-to-man talk with his dad, he came to the conclusion that he could obey us on this matter, and his heart has been at peace since. I don't know exactly what was said in that conversation, but I am glad for a husband who can speak to his son's heart with the result of obedience with understanding and peace.

So here we are on the threshold. My son, according to conventional school schedules, is a rising 9th grader. I think of him more as entering the rhetoric stage of learning. He is a young man, changing quickly in all of his thoughts and attitudes. His understanding of life and people is maturing and I see not a child, but man emerging. I love his sense of humor, the way he thinks, his work ethic. Truthfully, I'm so glad that we will be keeping him at home because I would hate to miss out on this wonderful stage of life! Keeping him at home for his education also gives us the opportunity to foster these positive qualities in him on a deeper level. He has found ways to earn money by cutting grass, running a small car detailing business, and doing odd jobs for people as they need. He is committed to physical training through CrossFit and olympic weightlifting, and he enjoys participating in church activities, and serves willingly. Yes, I'm biased, but what mom wouldn't want to see these things in a son? I'm humbled--I know that it is not because of what I have done, but what the Lord is doing in my son. I am honored to be a part of that, and it causes me to seek Him for guidance all the more in my parenting.

I go back periodically and look at the vision and mission statements that my husband and I composed when we first started using Tapestry of Grace as a curriculum. Through the years there have been subtle changes in curricula and intensity, co-ops and independence. The vision and mission, however have never changed. Our vision statement reads:

To raise and educate whole-hearted individuals who are life-long learners, who understand and carry out our purpose and obligation to the Almighty, from worship to the spread of the gospel, to the establishment of Godly generations until the return of Christ. (Psalm 145:1-8)

Our mission statement is:

Learn from the Past, Educate for the Future

It has been our desire to raise children who are emotionally healthy. I have always believed in sheltering them (which is not the same as overprotecting), and instructing them from the Word of God first and foremost. The study of history and literature and the development of scientific thought is also highly valued in our instruction. The preparation of the mind for the future by studying the victories and failures of the past will equip my children to understand the world as they navigate life in the future. It is also my hope that the decision to keep my son at home through high school will have the effect of keeping him emotionally and spiritually centered. It is my hope to provide him with ample opportunities for learning with others, socializing with his peers, competition, travel, and even proper rest and relaxation. I want him to have a balanced experience of life--one that is free and unencumbered by institutional instruction. That has always been my hope, and it has not changed.

The higher learning journey begins now. As I say in my sidebar, I write this for myself--If you have read to here, thank you, but this is a post in which I have taken the time to remind myself of our calling and purposes that we set out to fulfill when we began this journey. It is certainly not normal in our day and age. I do believe however that it is right. We will carry on. I feel excited. I have a fresh dose of inspiration after enduring a fairly long and dry season, and I cannot wait to see what happens!

Discipline in Our House (Or, Raising Men and Women, not Fools)

I had a rather stiff argument with my son the other day. His sister had made an inappropriate joke in a text to a friend using my phone, and I saw it. No one was offended except for me. Even the receiver of the joke found it funny. I was still very disappointed in my daughter's choice of words (and before your mind goes too far with this it was nothing serious--just base 10-year old humor) and I reprimanded her for them. I also had a conversation with her about using gracious words. I issued what I felt was an appropriate disciplinary action (she chose and copied a scripture verse several times about gracious words.) Forgiven, behind us. No worries.

The case that he put forth was that it wasn't serious, and she hadn't really said anything too bad, and kids think that kind of thing is funny, etc, and that we should let it go, but he agreed with me that she should have never used my phone to make that joke! (It's okay to make a crass joke, but not via Mom's phone...what?)

My argument in response was that it is not my job to condone childish, foolish behavior. What happens among the kids when I am not around is (blessedly) their domain. I encourage them to work out issues among themselves without adults, but if they can't we are happy to mediate--though they are seldom happy with the solutions we provide! (Funny, that!) However, when their speech, actions and behaviors come to my attention and they do not measure up to the standards we have set in our home, then I call them to account. 

My swift and firm reply to him was,

"I am not raising you to be children. I am raising you to be a man and a woman." 

I am a pretty lenient mother, I think. I'm somewhat of a pushover when the kids want to do things. I have trouble enforcing bedtimes and rigid procedures and rules, mainly because I don't like them myself. Nevertheless, there are a few immoveable lines that in my mind cannot be crossed, and when they are, that is when discipline results. It is these standards which I believe will make my children into strong people--a man and woman of character, integrity, and gentility.

Good manners and good grammar never go out of style. 

One cannot go wrong with genuine good manners. They are a standard which gets us through even the most detestable situations with the most offensive of company. One who observes good manners can always go home with a clean conscience and say, "That was awful, but at least I was kind." Good grammar is just...good grammar. Of course we must learn when to speak and when not to, but when one must speak, to be well spoken and articulate is akin to having good manners. It will take you far in life.

The older serves the younger and the younger respects the older.

This adage solves nearly every disagreement. I can come into any situation with my children and ask them if they have served and / or respected each other in the way they know is right. That means that the Godly standard of self-sacrifice is modeled by the older. He is to treat her gently and with kindness, even if she seems unreasonable. In turn, I can ask her if she has respected him. Has she been selfish, ignored his wishes, listened to his reason for wanting something or for acting in a certain way? It nearly always dispels the unreasonable or irrational thinking. A hang of the head from both of them and a genuine "sorry" is always the result. I don't need to pick through the details. I only need to remind them of the Godly standard that we have set, and ask them if they think they have met it.

If it makes you ugly, it's time to quit.

Computer, video games, board games, make-believe games with nebulous rules, projects or school work that is exceedingly frustrating, conversations or arguments that go nowhere--It doesn't matter what it is, but when the "ugly" starts showing, it's time to back down and retreat. Go to your room, change activities, take a shower, part company...but listening or watching the ugly will not be tolerated.

(Borrowed from a friend) When we're tired and hungry, we're apt to sin

I heard my dear friend and mentor say this to her daughter once years ago. Her daughter rolled her eyes and dutifully repeated the phrase as whatever correction was needed settled in and a situation was calmed. I thought, "Oh. That's good. I'm using that!" And I have! (Thanks, Sue!) It is SO true, and my baby girl has always been a hangry monster. When she is hungry she becomes so unreasonable that you can't always even convince her to eat. We finally had to teach her, when she wasn't hungry, that when we tell her to eat, she'd better eat or things would get bad. Okay, since I'm throwing my WHOLE family under the bus in this post, I'll just say--she gets this from her father.

Once when I had to remind my daughter of this wise adage, I had her repeat the phrase, just as my wise friend once did. She said in a lilting tone, "When we're tired and hungry we ought to sin."

Um, no, Baby Girl. Just...eat something.

I read the book of Proverbs constantly. It is part of my daily reading, and every time I get to Proverbs 31 I cycle back and start at the beginning again. I cannot say how many times I have read this book, but believe me...It's ALL there. All the parenting wisdom anyone would ever need is in that book. It discusses the effects of discipline, the lack of it, and delineates the differences between wise folk and fools. Here's a hint--the fools are typically not the ones who are well-disciplined. Read it. Raise men and women--not fools.

Spring Clean-up, Body and Soul

I haven't posted here in a couple of weeks because I've been hanging out at my other blog, The Accidental Crossfitter. I have been on a month-long journey of reclaiming my healthiest eating habits using the Whole30 method. It seems that whenever I seek to discipline myself in one area, other things seem to come into focus as well. I wrote this post recently to express some of my thoughts about overall fitness, and realized that in fact exercise is only one part of the equation.

I have read two books this month that have impacted me tremendously. The first was the one I needed to read to understand the Whole30 process:

If you've never tried a clean eating challenge or are searching for a way to reclaim your physical health, I cannot recommend this book and website enough. It is clear, to the point, and infused with tough love to get you and your health on a path to having a better relationship with food. Don't think me strange, but I had a hard time putting this book down. I had read Rob Wolf's The Paleo Solution before, so this information was not new to me, but the presentation of the information was fantastic. It was a great reminder of why we chose this way of eating a couple of years ago. As time has passed and we've allowed ourselves to become a little slack, it was a great kick in the pants for us to get back on board.

The second book that I read that had an unexpected but very welcome impact on me was The Life-changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo. I think I and every other person in the US may have read this book this month, and if they haven't yet, they will soon, so it's not a big, original thing. It did, however have the effect of punctuating a conversation my husband and I have been having for several years, and that is the desire to de-own, de-clutter, live lighter. I have been interested in minimalism for a long time.

I used to live a very minimalist lifestyle--everything I cared about needed to fit in a backpack and once I arrived at my destination, a small, very tidy bedroom. It was a nice life, but did not include my husband and kids. Just me, my blue jeans and boots and a few favorite books. I loved the life, but I would never trade what I have now for the life I had then. I do feel, however, that as a family, we are very tied down to a rather large house and a whole lot of stuff--the trappings of a middle-class American lifestyle that seems nearly inevitable. But this is not what I value, and it never really has been. I recall a conversation with my roommate, sitting on the balcony of our tiny apartment, filled with 20-something vim and vigor. I stated that I found the idea of a house, mini-van and 2.5 kids appalling, and I would never, ever live that life. Well, I should have known then what saying "never" gets you, because here I am--and I really like my minivan. That said, I would happily downsize.

So this happened this week...

Every. single. item. came out of our closet and was placed on the bedroom floor. We evaluated everything. The kids did the same. When all was said and done we filled 9 contractor sized bags and three kitchen trash bags of clothing, and discarded at least 4 four more bags of stuff and took it to the dump. What remained was what we actually wear and really like. There is space in our closets and space in our drawers. Everything is off of the floor, and there are clean surfaces. I cannot believe how much lighter and better I feel. 

Suddenly I find myself on the Pinterest boards pinning every quote to do with minimalism and living simply. I find myself plotting the next purge, the next reform. I mean to get back to that lighter life, with time for travel, time for people, and money in my pocket to spend on experiences, not stuff. I mean to lighten the load and not look back. 

Has He Ever Steered Me Wrong?

Very early in our homeschool journey, I adopted the following verse as one of our key verses for our family:

Psalm 144:11-12
"Deliver me and rescue me from the hands of foreigners whose mouths are full of lies, whose right hands are deceitful.
Then our sons in their youth will be like well-nurtured plants, and our daughters will be like pillars carved to adorn a palace."

Throughout the nine years that we have been homeschooling, I have prayed continually and fervently for the Lord's guidance, wisdom and provision. God has answered my prayers 100% of the time, with clarity and peace. He has never left me in the dark concerning the next step, which curriculum I should choose or what decisions I should make about staying  home vs. going to a brick and mortar institution. He has communicated his answers to me through that deep inner peace that cannot be explained in human language. Every time I have come to a point of feeling anxious, wondering if I was doing okay by my kids or comparing myself to other moms who have the appearance of having it all together, I have been comforted and reassured, and even chastised by his constancy. 

Answered Prayer--Again...

On Wednesday morning during my quiet time I found myself again with my head in my hands earnestly seeking the Lord's heart for what he would have me do next year for my son, who will start high school in the fall. I asked him to show me clearly what I should do. I was feeling weary and stressed and wondered if I would be able to get through the next couple of days, as it felt like my calendar was all backed up with no margin--a place I never like to be, but often find myself.

My son woke with a cold that morning, and by that evening I could see that the calendar would need to be cleared so as to care for him, rest, and allow us all to recover, as we all seem to be fighting something. Thursday came without much to do, then, so I sat down and started reading about homeschooling through high school. Within a couple of hours I had a tremendous sense of relief. A plan had emerged, and it was very clear to me what course of action I should pursue to get the boy through his freshman year of high school studies. Even better, it became apparent that at the end of this academic cycle, he will already have completed most of the things typically covered in 9th grade and he will start with 10th grade material.

Today, as I have battled my own headache and sore throat, I have had the luxury of time and headspace to think through decisions for next year, talk things over with my husband who ended up taking leave today to work on taxes, and discuss scheduling with my friend who will co-op with me on various subjects. 

I can hear the Lord, in His quiet way, speaking to my heart... "Have I ever steered you wrong?"  

Isaiah 41:10
"Do not fear for I am with you, Do not be dismayed for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand..."

It occurs to me that my God entrusted these precious children to my care for this season. Incredibly, He loves them more than I do or could even hope to, in spite of the fact that my love for them often brings me to tears and leaves me feeling utterly undone. Why, when He loves them as he does, would he guide me in a way that would be contrary to their best interest or their God-given nature?

So here we go! We will take the plunge into the rhetoric stage years with God as my guide. Stay tuned. We'll be live-blogging the journey!

What Week is It Now?

Truth is, I don't care a bit. 

The last two weeks we have been slowly feeling our way back into school. I decided to keep the kids on track with their math, science reading and history reading. We are continuing with our Wednesday co-op for my younger daughter and her friend. It's just the two of them so it's very low-key and a great thing for her to look forward to each week.

The things that require a whole lot of "Mom" we are putting on hold until I am able to juggle it all. Right now, I am truly appreciating the quiet and time alone or with my husband and kids.

The school work is getting done--no one feels under a tremendous amount of pressure and the kids seem to really be enjoying what they are learning. They are also enjoying my willingness to be with them, to really do things with them like watch a movie, lie and snuggle, sit and color for long stretches of time...I too am enjoying these things. They are soothing and healing.

For nearly two weeks after my mom's memorial service I found myself in a kind of fog or perhaps it was more like a bubble--as though the world was going on and I couldn't participate, but I could watch, and indeed there was part of me that really wanted to be around people and activity, but I didn't want to participate. Thankfully, for the most part, my close friends seemed to understand this.

C. S. Lewis described it like this in A Grief Observed:

No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing. 

At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in. It is so uninteresting. Yet I wan the others to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another and not to me.

Suddenly, it was as though someone turned off a faucet and the inexplicable weeping stopped and I began moving through the days, but still felt a bit numb. Then one day the kids were having their music lessons and I heard them. It's not that I couldn't before, but I really heard each song, each note, the voice of the teacher instructing them, and their voices and notes in response. It was like coming out of a long sleep or a strange illness...and I felt alive again. Since then every fall color pierces my heart, every song, my soul, small activities take on much greater meaning, and the mundane feels perfectly fine with me. It is all coming back to me...what it means to really be alive. To feel again without a constant haze of worry and sadness hanging over me. I didn't realize just how heavy it has been or for how long it has been part of me, but I'm guessing it started about 5 years ago when Mom really started to show signs of Alzheimer's.

I am continually receiving news that Mom's affairs are being settled, accounts being dissolved and final accountings being made. It all seems so final. So strange. That soon there will really be nothing left to show that this woman ever lived, only proving that all of life is truly just a breath.

Day by day we will live and love and carry on, hopefully with renewed purpose and intention, digging deep to plant seeds that grow fruit that will produce far beyond our own usefulness and well into the next generations...It's what she would have wanted...

Breaking the Silence

I have been in a writer's slump for quite a while, but it has been due to a much greater preoccupation with things that were more important than blog-keeping. It was this thing that sucked dry my well of thoughts and reasons to write. My mother was reaching the last stages of her battle with Alzheimer's and I had her on my mind. All the time. The way I felt about it all was to retreat into myself--I hated talking about the A-word, or the struggles my mom was having near the end. This was her dignity, and I felt deeply private about it all. I still do.

On Tuesday, October 7, my dear mom went home. My sister, brother and I were with her constantly for her last two days. My brother was with her when she took her last breath. 

The remainder of the week we made preparations for her memorial service and fielded all the phone calls. My husband mercifully took the week off to be with me. Friends blessed the kids with invitations to play, tended to my emotional needs and have taken time out of their schedules to cook, shop and or just be with me if I want.

It has not been quite two weeks since her death, but I still feel as though I am in a fog...a thick cloud bank that is exhausting to navigate. The kids need to get back to school work, but I could not feel less motivated. I suppose tomorrow we will attempt to return to some sense of routine. I will get back to writing sooner or later, I suppose. I find it more comforting at the moment to write on real paper with a real pen. The thoughts that are deepest and most private belong there. This is where I belong right now.

Convergence

the wind scatters leaves in gusts on the street,

as I watch,

they are gathered,
(invisible hands) 

tumbled, 
tossed,
raised in a little vortex of perfection--

a moment,
a mysterious convergence.

just as quickly

they are released,

free to fly about on the wind again.

© Kelly Mine 2014

Reflections on Easter

I love Christmas...I love the tucked-in warmth of family time and gifts and the focus that we place on love and human kindness. It is my favorite, in a sense. Every year when Christmas comes I am so happy because of the mystery and the miracle, and let's face it, there is such an element of humanity there--God becoming flesh and being born--mom in labor, baby arriving and guests coming to visit, and then the high drama of parents fleeing for his life and the life of all humanity, all so we can have the next holiday.

But then there is Easter. Good Friday, Maundy Thursday, Lent and Ash Wednesday...this 40-day anticipation. It is not tucked in. It is not even necessarily happy. It is public, and visible, and painful if entered into fully. It is an acknowledgement of the end of life, the truth of who we really are and the judgement that we deserve. It is an identification with the reality that we are sinners, and for 40 days Jesus faced intense temptation on an empty stomach, face to face with Satan and proved that he was not. So for 40 days we remember.

And then this man who was not a sinner, who had a mother, who had a family of brothers and sisters, a huge following and the weight of the world on his shoulders is falsely accused, beaten and brutally murdered, betrayed by one of his closest friends. Good Friday. Good because he laid himself down for us. Horrible in the reality of what we did to him. True story.

Then Saturday. Silent. Waiting. Knowing the end of the story but imagining all that must have been going through the minds of his family and friends. Waiting for Sunday because of longing to hear that one word...

Throughout Lent the word "Alleluia" is omitted from the liturgy. For the purpose of reflection and a reminder of the gravity of our sin, we do not celebrate. We wait.

Last night I had a dream that I was in a church with people that I know and love all around me and it was Easter morning. We were singing the hymn "All Creatures of our God and King" which has a refrain of "Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia" in it. I found myself nearly swallowed in the Alleluias, the highest word of praise. The truth. I could not help but close my eyes, raise my hands, and in the moment was aware of fact that every single person there was compelled to worship in the same way. We were lost to ourselves and completely surrounded by the Truth of the Resurrection!

There is this unspeakable joy that overcomes me every single year on Resurrection Sunday. It is not a time to be tucked in with family and celebrating humanity. This is for public display! This is running through the streets and preaching material! This is the end of death if you will claim it, the end of suffering if you will believe it, the beginning of eternal life if you will have it! This is freedom! There is no law or regulation or ordinance that can defeat it. There is only the hope that we now have, and the joy that nothing can overcome us if we are in Christ. Nothing.

Alleluia. Easter is my favorite. Every. Single. Year. Forever and ever and ever. Alleluia.

Everything in its Season

Ecclesiastes 3:1

For everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven.

This is one of my favorite chapters of scripture. As I move through life, I have learned more and more that there are seasons for things. Everything we traverse is part of a season and as sure as winter changes to spring, so do seasons of life. Whether it be in life, death, sickness, growth, laughter, quietness, or passionate pursuit, the season will change. There are seasons in learning as well, and we must not force children into a season where they are not. In fact, we cannot force them. Trying to do so only frustrates, and I know this from painful experience with my own kids. 

Right now I find myself in a season that has me pondering our purposes. In the outside world I hear a cacophony of noise about education--Who is best in the world?  How do we test? Should we standardize? Guess what--you don't have a choice in the matter! It's happening! What about college? Should everyone go? Do you have to go to be marketable? What does that mean, anyway???

Much of education seems to be tied to the sense that inner peace is somehow connected to the inevitable job at the end of the educational tunnel, and if you can't get a job, then all is lost. Check all the boxes, and at the end you can be churned out into the marketplace to satisfy someone else's whims and answer to their demands so you can take home a lousy paycheck and buy some Ikea furniture.

Much of this external cacophony can put pressure on parents who homeschool, and especially those who choose a different path than what is typically prescribed by school systems. Classical educators and unschoolers and eclectic Charlotte Mason types, or any other "type" of home schooler that there is cannot be a stranger to the unnerving sense that overcomes from time to time that says, "You're kids are freaks and will never be able to support themselves. What on earth are you doing to them?" 

Ah, but then there is this moment...

I was sweating and fretting because I wasn't having my son do enough writing, though I wasn't entirely sure what "enough" meant. I was trying to cram him through a curriculum that he hated, and when I considered what I would be feeling were I to do the curriculum, I would hate writing too. I had to evaluate what my objective for him in writing actually is. In fact, my objective is for him to be an effective communicator. So I backed off and decided to watch and wait, and yes--I even prayed about this. Then this happened...

After a particularly lively conversation about The Wanderings of Odysseus with our Tapestry of Grace Dialectic co-op kids, one of them piped up with, "Could we write a paper that compares the gods and heroes?" 

Me: Stare. Blink. "Uhhhhhm...Yes. Yes you can. I think that is a great idea." And so began our journey of writing applicable, difficult academic papers. All the kids agreed that this was something they wanted to take on, something that they want to learn how to do, and four papers later (in two months' time) have turned out some tremendous work. They have tackled the very difficult comparison / contrast essay twice (though normally I would never start there!), a biographical essay, and the art of effective summary. They have not balked, complained or winced when given difficult critiques, but have embraced them and applied what they learned to the next paper. They have asked to receive grades, and I have given them with the understanding that I will be honest in the assessment, to which they all nodded and said that they wanted it, even if it wasn't a "good" grade. 

None of these kids were being forced to write above or outside of their particular skill or age level up to this point. All of them have been allowed to develop at their pace and in their strengths. Now that they are ages 10-13 and very much in that dialectic stage where they want to interact with information on a deeper level, they have no qualms about asking how to do it. Straight up. Honest. Just like kids, but this time more like young men and women who truly want to know...

For everything there is a season.

It showed me once again, that I really don't need to worry. I have asked for wisdom about how to do this, and watching and waiting for my children's cues for readiness has proven the best course more than once! Each of these children has a season, and we cannot create it for them. We can only model, model, model what Godly, wise, healthy living is, and provide the guidance for them along the way. It is not my job to make my children. It is my job to guide them. When they are ready, I must be prepared to meet them on the path and show them the way, even when the season changes unexpectedly, brings storms and turmoil, and when there seems to be a drought. Watch and wait. Listen the the voice of the Lord who has placed me here for this very purpose. Be faithful. diligent. prayerful. loving. kind. compassionate. merciful. wise...in every season.

Thoughts of the Moment...

There are so many things on my mind. Here's a random treatise about it all. (Okay, not quite a treatise--it's a little shorter.)

Time Flies, Kids Grow

A Job Well Done

My son turned 12 on Friday. He knows this is significant, and we have spoken to him about the transition to manhood--we don't believe in "adolescence." You are a child, then you become a young man. Jesus was in his Father's house at 12, learning and becoming a man. You will learn to behave as a man should behave. That means start saving for your first car, your phone and any other thing you think you will need to get around and exercise some independence once we really start getting on your nerves. We will help you look for opportunities to work and earn money so that you can save for said items, because men don't ask their mommies for stuff. But don't worry, I'll still lie down with you and snuggle and chat when it all gets too overwhelming. I'm still your mom. You're still my little guy...

What Stresses Me Out
I may becoming agoraphobic. Or I may be an introvert. I may be some combination of the two, but there is also this: I really like being at home. I dislike traffic. I dislike most people until I meet them. Then I really like them and that stresses me out because then I feel like I'm making too many friends and won't have time for them all because...I really like being at home. Texting stresses me out because all those new friends text. a lot. But yay! New friends!

What Makes Me Happy

Hearing my children laugh and giggle makes me happy. Watching my daughter climb onto the lap of her dad or brother and snuggle her little nose into them and kiss them unabashedly makes my heart swell with joy. The fact that they really don't mind her doing this also pleases me greatly. I love it when the cat sits on my hand while I'm trying to type, like right now. I love it when I throw massive amounts of stuff away because it's all junk and stuff and doesn't mean much in the grand scheme of things. I love hearing my children pray...really pray. I love the way it feels to exercise really hard and feel like I can't go for another second or die. I love good, real food eaten with my family and good friends who also share this appreciation. I also like lining up the school books and laying out a really good plan for the year...even though I rarely end up following the plan exactly. Later on in the year it will make me happy to ditch the plan, so it all works out.

Our happy-clean school room...

Okay, and I have to say it...I love a clean house. That makes me really happy. It may seem shallow but it is important to me. That is all.

What Makes Me Sad
When my kids cry, I feel sad. I cannot bear to see them suffer...but even more in this season, I find that there are many people who are suffering far greater trials than we are. I have a friend whose vibrant little boy has been diagnosed with AML Leukemia and will be in the hospital for 6 months. My heart is breaking for them, and I am constantly in prayer for this family, though I have completely run out of words to say on their behalf. I have another friend whose daughter has been suffering from a devastating case of Lyme disease for a year and will have to endure a crazy amount of treatment. This is crushing...how do I pray? But I keep doing it, hoping that the noise we make in God's ears will move heaven to help her. I have to believe it will...When I think of all these things in perspective all the small stuff is just--small stuff. Things fall into place of their own accord--the lessons, the cleaning, the life, the list of to-dos. Jesus tells us not to worry about tomorrow because tomorrow has enough trouble of its own. Amen, and amen. It makes me sad when I worry and stress about things that just don't matter. Lord, help me keep it all in your eternal perspective.

As I prepare to start my 8th school term of educating my children, it is my prayer that I can humbly submit each day to the Lord and remember the "happy," prayerfully consider the sad, not dwell on the stress, and cherish each day with my children who are growing so quickly.

What gain has the worker from his toil? I have seen the business that God has given to the children of man to be busy with. He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil--this is God's gift to man. (Ecclesiastes 3:9-13)

typical...

Part 1: So You Want to Homeschool

I've been thinking, as I often do this time of year when folks new to homeschooling are getting the back to school jitters, raiding the binder aisle at Staples, lining up all the no. 2 pencils neatly in their boxes...What does it take to do this well? I am finally in a place in our homeschooling journey where I find people looking to me for advice and guidance on how to get started! As I counsel them about curriculum choices and what books are helpful, I think of the things I really want to say. Much of it comes from wise words a dear mentor and friend shared with me before I ever started homeschooling, but they have carried me so far. The balance of it comes from me making the very mistakes I hope you won't make if you read and consider what I share here.

This year my son will be 12. That means I have been homeschooling for 8 years, beginning with his pre-K year until now. If he were heading to public school (p.s.) he would be entering 7th grade. My daughter is 8 and would be entering 3rd, for what it's worth. I should qualify this by saying that I really don't know where they fall in comparison to their p.s. counterparts because a. I don't give the yearly standardized tests, and b. our course of study is so different that I can't really compare it to p.s. curricula, and c. I don't care how they compare. Now before you jump on my back and tell me how that's an irresponsible position to take and I'm not considering my children's future, and "they'll have to test sometime" and yada, yada...read this and this. I assure you that we've thought it through.

We are a pretty average American family: Hard-working dad provides a dependable income, we have 2 children, neither of whom have any special needs, allergies, or extenuating circumstances. I drive a mini-van. Yup, it's the average middle-class life. What I hope, however, is that the choices we have made are not average. Some would say that we are swimming upstream, that we have a counter-cultural way of thinking, that we are...odd. But, these are the choices we have made, and we feel that they are the best possible for our family. I don't mind being odd.

Are You a Victim of Your Own Life?
I've been encountering people often of late who seem to have become "victims" of their own lives, circumstances, schedules. They have an excuse for everything: why they can't exercise, why they can't homeschool, why they can't change their diet, why they are always exhausted, why they are making lousy decisions...a reason why they can't do a or b, and how they "wish they could but they can't because x, y, z." Oy. It makes me tired to listen to people gripe about circumstances which they have brought upon themselves. I'm not talking about people who have true extenuating circumstances, illnesses, tragedies, etc. I'm talking about...well, people like myself. Interestingly, the folks in hard circumstances are the ones least likely to complain...

In this post I want to break down into the simplest terms what we as homeschool parents need to consider before taking on this very important job. We also need to continually reconsider these things as we journey along, because babies become big boys and girls and lives grow more and more complex. We need to remove ourselves from our circumstances and take a different perspective, and spend some time meditating on the basics. Very, very few things are inevitable. Most things come about because of choices we make, and sometimes we find ourselves under the pile and feeling like a victim. Sometimes we need to take the very painful step of un-making those choices, clearing our plates, heading back to square one, and any other cliche that you want to use to describe the process.

Food, Safety, Survival
I used to be a La Leche League leader helping mothers breast feed their babies. Often we would encounter these mothers who were panicking and stressing and getting all kinds of unsolicited advice from people who should not have been giving it. They would want to give up, couldn't figure things out, would be sleep-deprived, hormonal, and often crying. In those moments I would break it down for the mom by saying this, "If you were stranded alone with your baby with no resources but a little food and yourselves, what would you do?" The answer I heard each time was predictable--she would breastfeed the baby and sleep with the baby at the same times, and wear the baby on her body. This is basic, commonsense parenting. Feed the baby, keep the baby safe, keep both of yourselves alive. It has brought the human race far.

Education Through Living
If you expand this for a few years down the road, you can consider what you would have to do to teach your child what he / she needs to live and survive past infancy. With minimal resources, what would you do? You would teach by demonstrating, working side-by-side, and by telling stories. In everything you were doing, you would be showing the child, talking to him, and explaining, probably by telling stories about yourself, relatives, Bible characters, mythical figures, fairy tales. Time would be plentiful and relationship would be deep. Life would be done together, and not divided into funky little modern-day compartments. It would all work together seamlessly.

Yes, You Can...
In this post I want to stimulate you to just break things down to their bare parts. You can homeschool your child, but you have to know that you can. Tune out the opinions, the social pressures, the cacophony of culture and media, and spend some time thinking about what is best for your child and you, his parent who has been given a responsibility by God to raise him well. Really...just go lie down on your bed or sit with a pad of paper and reflect on this: If you could remove all the perceived barriers that are in your way and have a clear path on which to travel with your child, what changes would you need to make? (Don't consider how hard or painful it would be--just what needs to be changed.) Pray for God to reveal to your heart everything that he would have you consider, and nothing that you should not, and believe that he will do it. Write it all down. Cry a little. Pray some more. Let go of all your preconceived notions about what educating your kids should look like. After you have done this very important part come back and read part 2.

Part 2: So you Want to Homeschool

In the previous post, I stripped things down to their bare bones. If it were just you and your child, how would you teach him? Are you a victim of circumstance? Do you need to remove some barriers?

In this post, I want to examine the first of two things I think you need to equip yourself with before beginning this journey. If you buy into these now and invest deeply in them at the outset, you will lay the groundwork for longevity and success. There is nothing to purchase, so get your head out of the curriculum catalog and the school supplies. Instead, open the Word and get in there, and we'll talk. Two things--have you guessed them yet?

Conviction

In my homeschooling journey, the thing that has supported me the most is the absolute certainty that I was doing the right thing, the best thing, and often the hardest thing in order to educate my children. Above all, you must know your reason for doing this. Is God calling you to do this? Are you leaving a public school system because you think you can provide a better education? Are you taking on the education of a special needs child who has been sidelined by the system? Are you a free-wheeling libertarian-type who thinks that children need to be unhindered by walls and textbooks? Is it some combination of all of this? I cannot stress this enough--Know. your. reason. Write it down, talk it over with your spouse, your best friend, your children (who, frankly may not share your conviction at first). Write a mission statement, cast a vision.

Every summer I spend time reviewing my reasons. I have a mission statement that my husband and I wrote together, as well as several verses that encourage me as I go. The first is a pretty common one, and one that many Christian homeschool families have identified deeply with, but it embodies in very clear verbiage the depth and gravity of the call that God has placed on us to raise and educate our children.

Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and with all your strength.These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates. (Deuteronomy 6:4-8)

The second verse is a prayer that I pray every time I look at it hanging over my desk or stuck on my refrigerator, and I spend a lot of time in both places.

Deliver me and rescue me from the hands of foreigners whose mouths are full of lies, whose right hands are deceitful. Then our sons in their youth will be like well-nurtured plants, and our daughters will be like pillars carved to adorn a palace. (Psalm 144:11-12)

Finally the third verse is a praise--a joyful refrain that I believe God has placed before me to remind me that in time our efforts will bear fruit.

One generation will commend your works to another; they will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty and I will meditate on your wonderful works. They will tell of the power of your awesome works, and I will proclaim your great deeds. They will celebrate your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of your righteousness. (Psalm 145:4-7)

But these are my verses...Yours will most likely be different. Ask the Lord to clarify for you the vision he wants you to cast for your household, for each of your children, for future generations. When you have done this you have taken the first and most important step in this journey.

In Part 3 I will examine the second thing that I believe you must possess in order to homeschool well, and it is possibly the hardest thing to acquire and manage...but you must. Ready? You may not like me as well once you read that post...Click here to satisfy your curiosity. (Part 3)

Part 3: So You Want to Homeschool

The Second Element for Success: Personal Boundaries

In Part 2 I discussed the need for conviction, the first of two elements to laying a successful foundation for homeschooling. The second element is a bit more complex, and without it life becomes very messy, and it is difficult at best to educate well in a mess. That critical element is a healthy boundary. If one does not take the time and energy to lay sufficient boundaries in her life, things will get chaotic.

In Part 1 I talked about taking the time to reflect and discern what needs to go. Did you think about it? Are you over-committed with activities for your kids? Church responsibilities? Clubs and charities and volunteer work? Time at the spa? Unhealthy demands from extended family? All of these things appear at the moment to be good and satisfying, but in the end, are they contributing to the life and well-being of your children, whom you are called to raise and educate? I'm not suggesting "helicopter parenting" where you hover over them at all times and everything you do is centered on them, and I'm not talking about "Tiger Mom" mentality where everything in your life revolves around their education. I'm talking about healthy boundaries. Over the years, I have learned for myself that I need "wiggle room." For example, when I clean out a closet or a storage space, I always try to leave some empty space, because inevitably something new will need to be stored there. Next time I clean, something different will get chucked and again, I will leave empty space. It always gets filled. Always. But when it does, I have the space so that the closet doesn't become intolerably messy. Consider in your own life where you need "wiggle room." Here are the things that must go in the closet every time, and must be present in order for us to have a healthy lifestyle and home education environment.

Quiet Time
Assuming a Christian audience here, but if you are not spending time in prayer, reading the Word, and reflection, then something has to go. I am not being legalistic--I am speaking from experience, and I'm sure that you know as well that when we are centered spiritually, all other things fall into their proper perspective. It's not something you have to do--it's something you get to do. You have the privilege of meeting with God one-on-one. Why miss it? This is foundational to teaching our children.

Food, Sleep, Exercise
If you are too busy to prepare healthy food for your family and enjoy meals together, then something has to go.

If you are up until the wee hours of the morning getting stuff accomplished because you have so much going on in the day that you can't find time to get it all done, then something has to go. I'm not talking about the mom who has many little ones with great needs who only can catch time at night for sanity--that is a season that will pass in time, and indeed, it is exhausting, and I sympathize. I am talking to the mom who has overextended herself and her kids running around after "good things" to the detriment of her health (see points below).

If you have no time to exercise, then something has to go. Simple. Make the time, but choose your activity well. If you choose an exercise that you really enjoy, it becomes something you get to do, not something you have to do.

In order to have a healthy home and educational environment, the leader of the pack must be strong, healthy and energetic, and be able to model this for the followers. You are Alpha Mom / Dad. If Mom and Dad ain't healthy, then nobody's healthy.

Spouse
If you do not have time to work on your marriage in every way (spiritually, emotionally, and physically), then it's time to chuck something.

Next there are a few areas where you may need to have less wiggle room and may need to pull the boundaries a little tighter.

Friends and Companions
Proverbs 18:24
"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

Without a doubt, friendships and companions on this journey are vital. However,
not everyone is a friend. Not every homeschooled child in the park is a good playmate for my kids. I use the word "friend" very reverently. I am very cautious about getting together with people for coffee or play dates or whatever. I have a few good friends and these people are in my life because we are like-minded in faith, in child-rearing, and because they have companionable children whose company both I and my kids enjoy. Relationships with these folks have taken time and energy and run deep. They are the friendships in which I really invest and would call on in a time of need.  I have a slightly wider circle of people whom I truly enjoy and expect that over time may become "good friends," but I'll leave that to the Lord.

Ask yourself some questions before you invest too much time with someone who is not a fit for you:

1. Is this person a positive influence in my life?
2. Does this person have healthy emotional boundaries?
3. Does this person have children who will positively influence my children? Do my kids enjoy her kids? (Do not force children into relationships with other children because you want to hang out with the mom. That is wrong and selfish and will bear bad fruit in the long run. Do you like to be forced to hang with people you don't like? Don't do it to your kids.)
4. How does this person discipline, correct, teach? (It might not seem like a big deal, but if you spend a lot of time with someone, radically different parenting styles can cause conflict in friendship.)
5. Is God leading me into a relationship with this person?

But, but, but--I think God wants me to minister to this person...wait. If you are just getting started on this journey, you have a calling and ministry. Do not sacrifice it on the altar of playing savior to someone else whose life is a mess. Not yet. There will be plenty of time for ministry, and you cannot have a completely healthy friendship with an unhealthy person.

But, but, but--this woman knows so much about homeschooling and God and cooking, and I need someone to show me the ropes. Stop. Are you looking for a mentor or a friend? Are you on equal footing (kids the same age, common interests, give and take)? If you need someone to teach you and cannot lean on the Lord to guide you, then you need to reevaluate what you are doing in the first place. That is not to say that you will not discover mentors along the way, just don't force it. God knows your need, and he will supply them all.

Church and Ministry
We as Christians are so vulnerable to becoming the go-to-gals when it comes to serving at church. It seems even more so when we homeschool because people catch wind of the "flexible lifestyle" and assume that we can help out in all kinds of ways that other people can't or won't. I have had to learn that my window of service must be wide open for my children and selectively opened for other opportunities. Those opportunities are ones we as a family have discussed and agreed upon. As a result, when we serve we are able to do it with great joy and energy.

When you are approached to serve or are considering an area in which you would like to serve, let your answer always be "I will pray about it," and then do pray about it. More importantly, listen to the answer that God gives you concerning it, especially if the answer is no.

But, but, but--there is such great need! How would God not call us to serve there? Go back to my original point about food, sleep, exercise, and relationships. Are your children going to suffer because you are so drained from service that you are unable to meet their needs? Think about it. Do not think you won't be called to serve, because you will. But first things first--when we have proven faithful with the small things he will give us responsibility over greater things.

Curriculum, Activities and "Learning Experiences"
No, your child does not need to learn violin, 2 languages, Latin, chemistry, and all the core subjects plus go to scouts, play soccer, have his play dates, go to church and sing in the youth choir. No. Not all in the third grade! Just... NO!

I know people who truly have their children in all that and more. I would also make note that those people are not on my list of good friends because a. they don't have time for anything, and b. they stress me out. All that is on that list is good, and all of it can be pursued over a lifetime.

Kids need flex time, time to play, time to be bored. If you have not left them wiggle room, they will be stressed, as will you. Go back to point no. 1 in this part.

Even better, go back to the original point in Part 1. What is your calling, your conviction, your vision for your child? When you consider what learning experiences to give your children, consider them in light of these things. Consider if they will stretch your boundaries, tax your health, conflict with family life.

What Can You Do Well?
The average person can do 3-4 things well simultaneously (I don't mean multi-tasking). Consider what you can do well. For me it is cooking and keeping house, teaching the kids, exercising, and some area of service. Each child is limited in the same way. Each of them has their lessons, 1-2 activities outside the home, and chores to do at home. My husband has a job, home life and honey-do lists, and and at times an area of service. When things become stressful, it is like pain in the body telling us something is wrong--we reevaluate.

It Sounds too Simple...
 
Much of this article has been information that is really just common sense, but as my dear friend put it, we really can be masters of complication. Simplicity is difficult for us because it seems too, well...simple. We think that in order to succeed it must be more difficult, so we make it that way, but Jesus reminds us that his yoke is easy and his burden is light. If we are doing this out of obedience to him and are listening to his guidance it won't be complicated, heavy, burdensome or anxiety-inducing. It will be a light and joyful journey.

On Respect

It is getting so that I cannot separate the experiences and lessons I have at CrossFit from our homeschooling life. The further I go I realize that it is all one thing, and I have to address it here. Below is a post from The Accidental CrossFitter that I wrote this morning, and I think it is equally important here. Consider how your attitude toward yourself and your body affects how you lead your children...

I gained a nugget of wisdom today from an old friend. We were talking about CF (because it's all I ever talk about right now!) and I told her that one of the reasons I decided I needed to get moving is because my kids had only ever seen me sedentary, and I needed to lead them into a more active lifestyle. In response she said something that really made me stop and think, and it is this: If we do not allow ourselves to change, or we set an example of something that is not good for us (such as a sedentary lifestyle), then eventually our children will lose respect for us. Even more, they will lose respect for "mother"--that identity, that role, that office. "Mother" becomes a static point in their past who can not speak authoritatively into their lives because she has ceased to learn, grow, change, or to keep pace with them. I am not saying that we have to do the same things that they do or be enmeshed in their lives in an unhealthy way. On the contrary, they need to see that we are individuals--that our lives do not spin solely on their axes, but that we have lives that we are cultivating by being active, dynamic learners of human existence! If it so happens that we are sharing a common interest, even better!

There was this one hurdle to cross, however. In the past I didn't want my children to see me being weak, or at my worst. I didn't have respect for myself or what I had allowed my body to become. I knew I needed to do better. I knew that I was full of excuses. I knew that I hated how I looked. I needed to to regain respect for myself. 

You know those moments in life when someone says the simplest thing to you, but it is the wisdom for the moment to cover just about everything? Well, I was grousing to my coach about ring dips at class. I am terrible, even at assisted ring dips, so I asked my coach for an alternative. He gave me a thicker band (more assistance), set me up and told me to suck it up. More specifically, he got in my space, towered over me (he's a Marine officer and about 6'5") and said with a twinkle in his eye, but in all seriousness, "I hear your excuses and I'm not buyin' 'em."

Matt counts for his sister...

Right. Thank you. Excuses are the front door to loss of respect. When I hear people whining about what they can't do, I want to walk away and say, "talk to the hand," but unfortunately I cannot walk away from myself. 

In the last three months, I have learned so much about what it means to be an example to my kids and demonstrate self-respect. We have all discovered the joy of exercising together. I am ashamed to admit that I used to be very private about exercise--I would not do it around the kids. I hated for them to see me sweat, I felt weak and out of shape and I did not want them to see at my "worst." However, I finally realized that they need to see me rise up and face my weakness, and that this in itself was leadership. I have allowed them to see me sweat, suffer, and be challenged. They share in my victories and miseries and I in theirs. I have done WODs with them that were tough for all of us. I am still usually last to finish, and there is no greater feeling than having my kids cheer for me saying "Come on, Mom! Just five more! You're almost there!" 

Matt is finding his niche with CF. He is already doing things that are pretty spectacular, and he throws himself completely into it. He enjoys the activity and the challenge. He is getting to know the  coach and the other kids at the box, and doesn't want to miss class. He is supporting his little sister who also thinks she is one tough cookie to be hanging and doin' with all the bigger dogs. She enjoys having his support.

I have raised my kids to have a deep faith and walk with God. Now I have to teach them to respect all of His creation including themselves. I guess that means I must start with me.

24" box jump

Cleared it--perfect form!

Who Am I?

Happy New Year! Today is January 1, 2013, and while it is just another day on the calendar, we cannot help but appreciate new beginnings. We cannot help but reflect on what we would like to see change, stay the same or evolve in our lives in the coming year. Even so, I decided long ago that resolutions are not useful to me at all. Choosing an arbitrary date of my life to mean that something new and different needs to occur is simply an exercise in planned failure.

Rather than reflect on what I want to do this year, I have decided to reflect on who I AM and who I want to BE as a mom, and who my children are. 

• I am first a follower of Jesus, a Christian, a believer in the truth of the gospel and its implications for life and death. I do not believe in Jesus in a religious sense--I know him personally. He has been savior, healer, friend, companion, and strength to me both through the scriptures and through his Spirit's presence in my life, closer and dearer than my next breath. I owe him the first and last moments of my day--to acknowledge him above all, in all and through all. I will continue in the reading of the Word and prayer. 
• I am the wife of my wonderful husband. I owe it to him to take care of myself physically, spiritually, and emotionally so that he has a sanctuary to return home to every day. In this constant care our children and our relationships remain stable and secure.
• I am the mother of two beautiful children. I owe it to them to care for myself physically, spiritually, and emotionally, so that our home is safe and secure and that they have a model of health and balance on which to build their lives. I owe it to future generations to be strong, healthy, spiritually centered, and emotionally balanced to provide a legacy of health. 
• I am a leader in this household, alongside my husband. Lately it has been become ever clearer to me what common sense already understands: Leadership happens through action alone. Words, while necessary, are not deep--actions are. I must demonstrate commitment to reading the Word, exercising, eating well, keeping a schedule, and above all, loving my family with acts of service.

I am all of these things FIRST. Before I ever started teaching my kids to read and write and do math, I was cuddling them, nursing them, playing peek-a-boo, and making food for them. I was protecting them from falling and choosing people to be around that I hoped would be a good influence. I was first a nurturer--a mom.

It seems that so often the task of "homeschooling" becomes this overwhelming thing that causes everything else to fall by the wayside. I think that for years I have been focusing on the wrong thing--the "doing" of school and not the "being" of it. While I understand the importance of setting goals and the modeling of doing so, I do not want my home to become a school. I want learning to be part of our life. This year I want to weave the learning and the growing and the eating and the gardening and the exercising and the relating into one lovely tapestry, not have them all be separate components that look like little overwhelming boxes that must be checked off.

All around us in society we feel the pressure of statistics, rules, and outcome-based instruction. We are led to believe that output equals success. I am not immune from falling into this trap. I have to ask myself--who are these children that God has given me? Who do I want my children to be? Eventually what they do to earn a living will flow out from who they are, not the other way around, and if we look around, we will see lots of middle managers and hamburger flippers NOT living their dreams, NOT doing who they ARE (Does that make sense?) They probably don't even know who they are.

2012 was a wonderful year for us--We grew so much as a family. 2013 will be a year to deepen roots, I think. I am excited to see what comes...Happy New Year.

Desperate Danger

"There is a seed of courage hidden (often deeply, it is true) in the heart of the fattest and most timid hobbit, waiting for some final and desperate danger to make it grow." 
-- J. R. R. TOLKIEN (The Fellowship of the Ring)

I originally posted this picture and quote on the Accidental Crossfitter as a response to the release of the movie The Hobbit, but with no commentary attached. I think the quote speaks for itself with regard to a host of situations. With regard to fitness and health, we wait for a crisis in our state of health to make radical changes, and with regard to our families, we wait for a crisis of behavior or some tragedy to spur us into heroic action. 

In the wake of the Sandy Hook elementary shootings there are a host of knee-jerk reactions taking place. People are suddenly calling for tighter gun control, others are calling for funding and research for the mentally ill, others are suggesting teachers be trained to carry guns, like teachers in Israel. I happen to think that the root problem lies far deeper than any of these "solutions" can even hope to help solve, but that is another blog post for another day.

What I want to say is that I grieve for the parents, teachers and families who have lost their precious children and loved-ones in this horrific event. When I see the list of the dead, most of them are the same age as my sweet daughter. I cannot imagine their pain.

The Columbine shootings had already occurred when I began considering  homeschooling. I am not going to deny that events like this factored into our thinking process when we made the decision to pursue this course. I wouldn't call it the reason to choose to home school, but it is a very good reason to be thankful that we do. There are no guarantees in life, I know this, but I have a charge to keep, and that is to protect my children and educate them the best I know how. I still believe that the choice to educate at home is the best for our children. I believe that it is a heroic action taken in world full of desperate danger, full of chaos, confusion, and lies.

III John 1:4

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.

On Discipline

Proverbs 12:1 says "Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid." (ESV)

But really--how many of us love discipline? How many of us in our standard American lifestyle truly love discipline? We surround ourselves with luxuries and pastimes, square screens and processed food. Work is not by the sweat of our brow, but mostly with our brains and fingers. We do not labor for our sustenance. The widening girth of our society is proof of all of this and it is called an epidemic, a disease.

Last week as we were away for the Thanksgiving holiday I spent a lot of time thinking, and discipline and leadership was one of the things that came to mind most frequently. I have struggled so often in our homeschooling journey, and even more in my physical fitness, to establish routines that will keep us accountable for the work that we need to accomplish. Getting up at an early hour, insisting that the whole family be in bed by a certain time, keeping a schedule of cleaning and housework (and maintaining the expectation that the kids will participate). I had a conversation with the family to this effect one evening. I pointed out to the kids that I could not have expectations of them that I myself am unwilling or unable to meet, and that from that point on I would not. From that point on, then, I was obligated to do what I said I would do, or not say it at all.

My father, who was not an exemplary man in the area of character modeling, used to tell us, "Do as I say, not as I do." Right! If we never spoke words of any kind to our children, they would still learn by following our actions, from brushing our teeth to helping the poor.

I have been watching my son in the last year change quickly from a child into an increasingly responsible young man. Admittedly, he is still a child, but he is taking on character qualities that so resemble his dad and me that it is both frightening and delightful. I find the following to be true of him: he is faithful to a task, he is responsible and caring for his little sister, he is a gentleman, he is thoughtful, he serves without complaining, he is affectionate, he has integrity and wisdom beyond his years. I won't list the negatives here, but he possesses qualities as well that shake me to my core, but these all reflect my flaws, so what can I say? Disciplining him for such flaws does no good at all if my actions are the same!

If I cannot spend serious, regular time in studying the Word of God, if I cannot find time to take care of my health and exercise regularly, I can hold no expectation that my children will see the need to do so in their lives as they grow. If I cannot control my tone of voice when I talk to them, I cannot rebuke them for their tone when they speak, without first repenting for setting that example. If I cannot take time to gently and lovingly hold affectionate conversation with them now when they are little, how can I expect them to want to do so with me when I am old? If I want my children to reach the highest goal I have for them, that of knowing God and pursuing a holy life, then I have to set the pace with them. I, as much as my son, need to heed the following:

Proverbs 3:11, 12
"My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the LORD reproves him whom he loves as a father the son in whom he delights."