Thursday, December 31, 2009

Best Years Hall of Fame

The year is drawing to a close, and 2010 is going to greet me, like it or not, when I wake tomorrow morning.   Recently I have been thinking to myself that 2009 was one of my best years yet.  There are several that rank high on my list, and oh-nine joins the club of the elite greats.  There was the year that I up and traveled to China, all by my lonesome to see if I could be somebody or save somebody.  I couldn't and I didn't, but it was an amazing, life-changing journey!  There was the year I came home from China after 2 1/2 years and went to graduate school.  It was there I think I became -- Myself.  It was the year my relationship with my husband developed and grew into an engagement, then a wedding on a snowy December day in 1997.  So, ninety-seven ranks up there.  2001 goes into that "Best Years Hall of Fame" because my son arrived and transformed my life and rocked my world, and now my heart runs around outside of me, and I can only do my best to raise him and hope that it doesn't break.  2005 goes into the Hall of Fame because my daughter arrived, and unearthed in me a tenderness and magic that I didn't know was there, and I fell in love all over again.

I'm seeing a pattern here...The years that were the best were the years that were transformational--the years in which I grew and changed and "became."  There was a deeper awareness of the world, of life, of mortality, of maturity, of love that arose out of all of those things.  This year did not hold any such significant milestones--we didn't travel to faraway lands, have a baby, move to another state, or even change places that we shop--but I was transformed.

That transformation came from this:  it was this year in which I made one of the best decisions I could have ever made, and it brought a sense of peace and balance that was sorely needed.  It may seem like a small decision, but it was one that forced me to step back and "dig deep" to find the mom and teacher that my kids need me to be, the wife my husband needs me to be, and the grown-up that I need me to be.  The decision was to drop out of all co-op activities and design my own program for my particular kids, and accept the fact that my son and my daughter are who they are.  I basically removed myself from all situations in which I would be tempted to compare them to other kids and let them (and me) be.  It has been so liberating.

My resolution in 2010 is to build on this foundation.  I hope to spend less computer / screen time, more time in books, spend more time in The Book, less on facebook.   I want more time with the kids on field trips,  to walk a 5K, play more golf.  Happy New Year.  May 2010 be even more peaceful and balanced.

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