Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Doldrums...

It's been a while since I last wrote. Funny thing is, I received one of the wonderful, random emails that I receive from time to time from readers who use Google, find the blog and actually take me up on the invitation to send an email. She said, "I saw that you haven't written in a while, but thought I'd give it a shot..." I took a chance and called the phone number she put on the email and we had a lovely conversation.

The truth is, I've been in a blogging slump. I've been in a homeschooling slump...When the school year ended, I went on vacation and didn't give lessons a second thought. Usually by this time of summer the whole next academic cycle is planned, books are ordered and organized, and I'm starting to rub my hands together in happy anticipation of the school year to come. Fact is I haven't ordered one book, cleaned up the school books from last year, or given a bit of thought to what we will be covering. It's a bit disconcerting, but worrying doesn't help. I know from experience that every year is different and how we go about each year is not a copy of what we've done before. I think the Lord simply hasn't chosen to reveal to me what He has for us yet this year. We are taking a bit of a trust walk, and that's okay.

But there are these other things--I've been busy with church, CrossFit, kids' activities, and life. The house is never cleaned all the way any more and I have to take things on in small chunks. It is not how I work best, so I'm learning a new paradigm. I have been digging deeper into some hobbies--guitar, art, lifting weights. (what? did I just write that?) This week I had to go to my sister's which is three hours away to see my mom, who has Alzheimer's. I need to do this much more often than I manage to do. I need to tuck in, nurture my family, care for them deeply.

So I don't know much about what this year will bring, but I do know this: I will tuck in. It is my hope that this year will be one in which we stay close, "tucked in" together and relishing the luxury of time to spend on adventures in the Middle Ages (Tapestry of Grace, Year 2), read together, work on math together, learn how to be caring, creative, fit, healthy, whole together...My heart is quiet, but the plan seems to be just on the horizon.

Seeing my family these past couple of days reminded me that there are so many things that can interfere with what is most important. It was necessary that my mom see me. Necessary that I got to love her and remind her of what my hug feels like, even if she did think my sister was my mom! I know that her heart remembers, even if the synapses aren't firing on all cylinders! My heart was so filled with love and joy, even in the grief of this awful disease. I know that this is just going to be for a millisecond of eternity, and then life will really start for Mom. I want to be there for her, for my sister and niece, for my kids, and my husband completely and fully on this side of eternity.

L to R, Me, my niece, Mom and sister!