Sunday, October 19, 2014

Breaking the Silence

I have been in a writer's slump for quite a while, but it has been due to a much greater preoccupation with things that were more important than blog-keeping. It was this thing that sucked dry my well of thoughts and reasons to write. My mother was reaching the last stages of her battle with Alzheimer's and I had her on my mind. All the time. The way I felt about it all was to retreat into myself--I hated talking about the A-word, or the struggles my mom was having near the end. This was her dignity, and I felt deeply private about it all. I still do.

On Tuesday, October 7, my dear mom went home. My sister, brother and I were with her constantly for her last two days. My brother was with her when she took her last breath. 

The remainder of the week we made preparations for her memorial service and fielded all the phone calls. My husband mercifully took the week off to be with me. Friends blessed the kids with invitations to play, tended to my emotional needs and have taken time out of their schedules to cook, shop and or just be with me if I want.

It has not been quite two weeks since her death, but I still feel as though I am in a fog...a thick cloud bank that is exhausting to navigate. The kids need to get back to school work, but I could not feel less motivated. I suppose tomorrow we will attempt to return to some sense of routine. I will get back to writing sooner or later, I suppose. I find it more comforting at the moment to write on real paper with a real pen. The thoughts that are deepest and most private belong there. This is where I belong right now.

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